Spirit or Flesh? www.SpiritOrFlesh.com

I have some messages in me that would be considered very hard and angry by some folks, and I have been reluctant to post those. Yet there are one or two that will not leave me, and I feel I have to give them. I feel to not post them somewhere would be disobedient. I'm not angry, yet the messages certainly are not of the "We're all OK" variety. Sometimes I wonder how many messages in churches are watered down nowadays or simply not given. I've been guilty of this myself. There are many reasons a preacher might not give a God sent message :

A preacher grows to love the praise of man more than the praise of God.

A preacher fears for his job, he has put his security over preaching faithfully.

A preacher may not want to preach the message because he isn't right with God and the message is for him specifically.

The message may sting so much that the congregation will gnash on the preacher as Stephen experienced.

Preaching the true Word of God is offensive to the "make believe" Christian, and it seems the churches have plenty of those. Yet I thank God there is always a remnant of believers. It's not for me to say because who knows anothers heart but for God? I sure don't want to be anyone's judge because I would judge wrongly. But God does know.

I am going to create a site called http://www.spiritorflesh.com/. On this site I am going to post those messages that are "hard" messages. Because they are personal also to me, it is hard sometimes to separate the flesh from creeping in on these types of messages, thus the name of the site, Spirit or Flesh? You can make your own decision. But to the easily offended, be warned, you may very well be. And yet, perhaps, hard hearts may be broken.

Missing an old Friend

Missing an old Friend

I am temporarily posting the following commentary
for my friend. Forgive me if it is somewhat rambling, in a way, I am
just saying goodbye to my friend (or rather, until we meet again).

A friend of mine died Tuesday, a good friend. He will be badly missed at the
nursing home. I was privy to the secret things he did, the way he loved the
other residents, and the things he did for them in private. He was a
resident there, and he truly had empathy for some of the loneliness and pain
that people sometimes experience in such a situation. Ronnie and I
spoke of Christianity many times, we just referred to it as "being
Christian". He may have been one of the best examples I've ever seen of a
true Christian. That's a great thing I love about God. He always gives
you just what you need, just at the right time. At time when many churches
have forgotten the first love, the mission, God helped me remember that
Christianity is not about church rituals and punching a ticket on Sundays,
as so many people have mistaken it. That is one reason so many people
feel empty in many churches today. Jesus Christ is the most shining
example of God's love we will ever have, and we would all do well to examine
His life carefully. To quote a popular phrase, I don't want to "be
like Mike", I want to "be like Jesus. And it is when we love others
and sacrifice for others that Jesus can be seen clearly in us. It was
only when I started looking on the battlefield, in the trenches, that I
truly started seeing God in action. And Ronnie was one brother that
let the light so shine before men, and it glorified God.

Many churches have become social clubs, neglecting their first love. I had
placed so much faith in churches, thinking that was the answer - but it
wasn't. So I got in the trenches and became obedient
to God, I started going where God sent me, where the need was. It was in the
nursing home that I met Ronnie. I observed his day to day actions and they
preached to me louder than empty words ever could. He was not a preacher,
but he preached, believe me, he preached. There is nothing more encouraging
than seeing a man of faith show that faith through servitude to others.
In the beginning, I offered to take him to the church I was attending, and I
did until I left that church. I believe Ronnie saw me as his
pastor/minister, but I wasn't. But he treated me that way, so I
remember how I agonized over leaving the church because of the possible
effect on Ronnie. I agonized over it more for Ronnie's sake than my
own, because I had been taking him with me and he trusted me. After a
week or two of prayer, I broached the subject with him and told him although
I was leaving that particular church for reasons I would not go into,
I would continue to take him. He said to me, "I know you, you come to me,
you come here, you are like family, like a minister, or a church member. I
don't know anyone at that church there and they don't know me. If I
stop coming to them, no-one there will come looking for me."
This made me incredibly sad, because without me stating a reason for
leaving, he had hit the very point of contention I had with the church.
Many of the churches (although, Thank you God, not all) would do exactly as
he predicted.

I would take him shopping now and then and watch him count his money and
calculate just what he could afford to buy for this person and that person.
Be it a magnifying glass to help someone read their Bible better, or just a
stuffed animal to bring them comfort, he was always on the lookout for
something to help ease others pain and lighten their load. I thought of the
widow throwing in her two mites, and I wept. I would not be surprised to
find that the few dollars he spent on those trips meant more to God than a
million dollar church.

Let me share with you something that will give you an idea of the spirit of
God in this man, something I am only sharing because Ronnie has passed on.
One day, as I was beginning to visit with the folks there, Ronnie walked up.
I could tell he was agitated. He pulled me aside and said he needed to
talk with me, that he needed badly to confess something, that he had done
something wrong. This is not uncommon for people to approach me in
this way sometimes, but it always puts me on edge, until the issue can be
confessed and resolved. So we immediately found an out of the way
table and we sat. I encouraged him to simply state the problem simply
and let's get it prayed out, that God was more than willing to forgive a
repentant heart.

Now folks, I have heard some pretty lurid confessions, some pretty bad ones.
But nothing, ever, including my own, so bad that God wouldn't forgive.
But I have never heard a confession like I heard that day. (And again,
I share this because Ronnie has passed on, and I feel total peace in sharing
this). What Ronnie had been fretting over, what he had done wrong was
this. He had received some Christmas gifts from his sister. And
on the same day that he received them, he had seen some other residents sad
that they had received none and Ronnie was moved with compassion for them
and he gave them all away. His perceived great wrong in all this was
that he feared this would greatly hurt and possibly anger his sister.
Ronnie knew that generally when people give you a gift, they don't
appreciate you giving it away. It could be perceived as being
disrespectful for the giver and the gift. Truly, I had to sit back and
laugh aloud, joyously, giving praise to God. And then I took his hands
in mine and asked a few questions that would resolve it. First I
asked, "Why did you give the presents away?". Well, because he saw the
others didn't have any and he wanted to make them happy. Then the
second, "Is your sister a Christian, in spirit and not just in name?"
The answer was yes. I knew then, that there was no way this sister
would be mad, not if she understood what he had actually done. My wife
and I prayed, had only good feelings, and advised him to call his sister
immediately and tell her, and, ask for her forgiveness, if she was offended.
But, we knew, I mean, we knew, she would not be, because of the answer to
the real question, Was she Christian? She would understand. She
did. We talked about it at the funeral, Ronnie's sister and my wife
and I. In all our minds, it was a tribute to who and what Ronnie was.

Ronnie would not have claimed to be a Bible scholar, but He studied God's
word diligently, and put it in action. He truly was a servant, and had
no aspirations to be chief. Perhaps few people saw this in him, but because
we were friends and he treated me as his minister/confidant, he let me see
the secret works. Well, Ronnie, my friend, my brother - those secret works
were the best sermon you could ever preach. Your sacrifice shames many
churches. Ronnie treated me like a preacher, (I'm not) but he was truly a
minister (in every meaning of the word). I mourn the loss of people
like my friend. Oh, there's no doubt he's in good hands. I do not mourn for
Ronnie, I mourn for myself, I mourn for the other residents of the nursing
home, for he will be sorely missed.

And as I wrote this, I felt depressed, but in the writing of this, God has
raised my spirits. He will send another, and another, as many as needed. For
every church that won't go, there will be just enough that will. He has
reminded me that God is not dependant on us, nor on man's organized religion
and rituals. Sometimes we forget that we are dependant on Him and we
don't truly listen, we don't truly obey. But He can accomplish His
Will regardless of us. But because He loves us, He reaches out for us.
It pleases Him to work through us. And one individual is enough, with
God. Ronnie was truly God's servant. He will receive no glory in this life,
but will receive just rewards in the end. God sends His people to the
hungry, the poor, the oppressed. When we don't go, we cheat ourselves. When
we lock ourselves up in our church buildings like refuges and refuse to come
out, we only show our fear, or worse, our apathy. But don't be fooled, God
will provide, someone will be sent. But woe to those that are called and
refuse. I believe God will forgive you, but, later, can you forgive
yourself? And thank you God, for those that you send to the fields, indeed
the harvest is ripe. And Father, I pray for those that have lost their first
love, please restore it. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and restore a
right spirit within me.

At the funeral, there were only a few folks there, but it would be unwise to
assume anything from that. The very people that Ronnie helped the
most, were, for the most part, physically unable to be there due to health.
But when I went to the nursing home the next day, I could see the sorrow,
and I could sense the loss. Ronnie is missed down here on earth Lord,
specifically here at the home. Please send another like him.
But, knowing You, You already have!

Ronnie, Thank you, my friend, for being my friend, for serving God in true
humility and obedience, and for helping me to understand that God is most
clearly seen in the places where the need is greatest . Until we meet again.

Your friend and brother

Steve

Will they believe?

Do You Think They'll Believe?

James 2:14-17(14) What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?(15) If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,(16) And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?(17) Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

When you tell them you love them,
Do you think they'll believe?
All they've heard from you's talking..
Talking's all that they've seen

But brother, talking's not walking,
And walking's just what they need
So when you say that you love them,
Do you think they'll Believe?

Will they believe, that you really love them
While you go to your supper and they go unfed?
Will they believe that you really love them
While you stay warm and they lay half dead in the streets?
Will They Believe?
Would you believe?
Will we Believe?

All you've been doing's talking
But faith without works is dead
James couldn't have been clearer
Do you believe what He said?
Oh we'll build bigger churches
But leave the real work undone
Then we'll say that we love them
Try telling that to the Son!

Will He believe, that we really love Him
When his children go starving and we're well fed?
Will He believe, that we really loved them
In our great big churches with the homeless half dead in the streets?
How can they believe?
How can He believe?

And will we grieve, when He says we don't know Him
As we dig up our talent, will He just shake His head?
Will He believe, when we say we never saw Him
Imprisoned, sick or thirsty, or waiting to be fed?
Will He believe, when we say we love Him,
When we never ever did a single thing He said?
Will He believe?

When you tell Him you love Him,
Do you think He'll believe?
All He's heard from you's talking..
Talking's all that He's seen
But brother, talking's not walking,
And walking's just what He means
So when you say that you love Him,
Do you think He'll believe?

(Mat 21:28) But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work today in my vineyard.
(Mat 21:29) He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.
(Mat 21:30) And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.
(Mat 21:31) Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.

The church talks and talks and talks. But consider the verses above and then the verses below and ask yourself - Am I doing the will of the Father? And are you truly loving your neighbor as yourself?

(Luk 10:25) And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
(Luk 10:26) He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
(Luk 10:27) And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.
(Luk 10:28) And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
(Luk 10:29) But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbor?
(Luk 10:30) And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
(Luk 10:31) And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
(Luk 10:32) And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
(Luk 10:33) But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
(Luk 10:34) And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
(Luk 10:35) And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
(Luk 10:36) Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbor unto him that fell among the thieves?
(Luk 10:37) And he said, He that showed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

So I ask you, examine yourself. When you tell them you love them, do you think they'll believe? When you focus all your time and money on a church building and leave much much greater works undone, it is a shameful thing.

What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

This is a new song I've recently written. You can find the mp3 of the song shortly at www.SittingInAshes.com. I had to re-record it because I changed some of the words and the tune around. I will be posting all songs there (Mainly because I always thought that would be a good name for an album and one day I will collect the songs together under one album)

I wrote this song after talking with a preacher friend of mine, it just seemed to come together quickly. It is called "What, could ye not watch with me one hour?" It is very sad how little time we seem to have for one another. We are in danger of losing something very critical in this fast paced world. Our impatience and short attention spans for each other shame us.


Sitting in a wheelchair,
Staring out at nowhere
Nowhere that she’d ever dreamed
I knelt there with her,
praying there with her
For forever it seemed

I started to stand
Withdrawing my hand
Places that I had to go
Her eyes seemed to beg me
Her voice seemed to follow me
As I turned to the door

She said

What, could you not, watch with me one hour?
What, could you not, stay with me one hour?
What, could you not, pray with me one hour?

He started to falter,
there at the altar
The whispering felt but unseen
He been there praying,
alone he’d been laying
For forever it seemed

Way past 12:30,
but he felt so dirty.
So he poured his heart out to the Lord
He needed somebody,
to be part of the body
But the body had turned to the door……

He turned to them and said….

What, could you not, watch with me one hour?
What, could you not, stay with me one hour?
What, could you not, pray with me one hour?

Already betrayed,
He asked them to wait
While He knelt a stone’s throw away
Their eyes grew so heavy,
soon they were sleeping
For forever it seemed like He prayed

There in the garden,
carrying our burden
For the cross,
He knew He was bound
And so while they lay,
Our Lord He did pray
Sweat falling like Blood on the ground

He said

What, could you not, watch with me one hour?
What, could you not, watch with me one hour?
What, could you not, watch with me one hour?

When He returns for us,
in all of His Glory
Will he find us awake?
Or will we be sleeping,
having forgotten
That horrible price that He paid?

What, could you not, watch with Him one hour?
What, could you not, watch with Him one hour?
What, could you not, watch with Him one hour?

The Body Bleeds

Here's the link to the new song. I am linking to 2 versions, a higher quality(360kbps) and a low quality(160kbps) version. The High quality is about 10mb and the low is around 4mb. I will post the lyrics later - just got this one recorded.
The Body Bleeds - 160k version - 4 mb

The Body Bleeds - 360k version - 10mb

Preparation Notes Part 1

We exalt ourselves – This is pride and is hated by God.

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Consider the sermons of Christ, perhaps starting at Luke 6:20

Luke 7:36-50

(36) And one of the Pharisees desired him that he would eat with him. And he went into the Pharisee's house, and sat down to meat.

(37) And, behold, a woman in the city, which was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at meat in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster box of ointment,

(38) And stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and did wipe them with the hairs of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment.

(39) Now when the Pharisee which had bidden him saw it, he spake within himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman this is that toucheth him: for she is a sinner.

(40) And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on.

(41) There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.

(42) And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

(43) Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

(44) And he turned to the woman, and said unto Simon, Seest thou this woman? I entered into thine house, thou gavest me no water for my feet: but she hath washed my feet with tears, and wiped them with the hairs of her head.

(45) Thou gavest me no kiss: but this woman since the time I came in hath not ceased to kiss my feet.

(46) My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment.

(47) Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

(48) And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

(49) And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also?

(50) And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

This Pharisee’s attitude is not all that different from many of ours.

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We prayed for Dottie’s leg not to be amputated, yet when I came in to the nursing home the day the amputation was scheduled, I didn’t look for her because I assumed she’d be at the hospital. What does that say about my own faith in prayer?

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Doing the will of the Father

Luk 8:21 And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.

Luk 7:46 My head with oil thou didst not anoint: but this woman hath anointed my feet with ointment

Luk 8:15 But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience.

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Where is your faith in time of trouble?

Luke 8:23-25

(23) But as they sailed he fell asleep: and there came down a storm of wind on the lake; and they were filled with water, and were in jeopardy.

(24) And they came to him, and awoke him, saying, Master, master, we perish. Then he arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water: and they ceased, and there was a calm.

(25) And he said unto them, Where is your faith? And they being afraid wondered, saying one to another, What manner of man is this! for he commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey him.

Remind of the promised mansions, He would not have said it if it were not true.

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Luk 8:38 Now the man out of whom the devils were departed besought him that he might be with him: but Jesus sent him away, saying,

Luk 8:39 Return to thine own house, and shew how great things God hath done unto thee. And he went his way, and published throughout the whole city how great things Jesus had done unto him.

Luk 8:40 And it came to pass, that, when Jesus was returned, the people gladly received him: for they were all waiting for him.

The man wanted to go with Jesus, but Jesus had a mission for him. Sometimes we just want to go home and be with Jesus in paradise, but He sends us to fulfill a mission. I wonder if Jesus returned to this place, and if so, I wonder, did the people gladly receive him?

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Luk 8:43 And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,

Luk 8:44 Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.

She but touched His garment and was made whole.

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Luk 9:22 Saying, The Son of man must suffer many things, and be rejected of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be slain, and be raised the third day.

Luk 9:23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

Luk 9:24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.

Luk 9:25 For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?

We want so much – but we are so slow to take up the cross and follow. We ask for so much, but don’t want to dirty our hands.

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Luk 9:51 And it came to pass, when the time was come that he should be received up, he stedfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem,

Luk 9:52 And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him.

Luk 9:53 And they did not receive him, because his face was as though he would go to Jerusalem.

Luk 9:54 And when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?

Luk 9:55 But he turned, and rebuked them, and said, Ye know not what manner of spirit ye are of.

Luk 9:56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them. And they went to another village.

Here is a good example of why we shouldn’t judge – we do so wrongly. We often judge and condemn in much the same way that James and John did in the verses above.

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Luk 10:25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

Luk 10:26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

Luk 10:27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

Luk 10:28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

Luk 10:29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

Luk 10:30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

Luk 10:31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

Luk 10:32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

Luk 10:33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

Luk 10:34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

Luk 10:35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

Luk 10:36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

Luk 10:37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

A priest and a Levite passed by the man. If you are a Christian, tell me, is it so easy for you to pass by and ignore the suffering of others? Ask yourself, what have I done to help alleviate someone else’s pain and suffering this week? Especially those who are suffering that we consider “sinners” or as “deserving it”. We set ourselves up so easily into the roles of judges. A Samaritan actually stopped to help (not considered a holy man, like the first two). Why? Perhaps because he didn’t look at the beaten man and judge him. Perhaps instead he felt compassion for his plight. Consider this. Those thieves are like sin. Sin wounds us and many are left in the ditch half dead. Who will help us? If the Christian will cross to the other side of the road so as not to have to deal with the situation, Oh God have mercy on us! Some “so called Christians” don’t want to get their hands dirty, it’s easier to judge and to cast away than it is to help. Who will help the beaten up and despised “sinners”? If not the “Christians” whom Jesus send, then perhaps Jesus himself will intervene in another way, but woe to those who are sent that will not go! Perhaps they should go back to the Bible and read about Jonah when he ran from God’s command. “He eats with sinners” was one of the criticisms about Jesus Christ from the religious leaders of that time. Perhaps he did because they wouldn’t.

Consider referring to the woman who anointed His feet in Luke 7:46. I have sinned more that that woman and probably so have you. You and I have no righteousness on our own. We must be careful not to become like the Pharisee’s. It is so easy to clothe ourselves in our own “holiness” and judge others without mercy. How sinful! When we judge, we often don’t judge out of love. Perhaps that is the best reason we are not yet fit to judge. Because we judge wrongly and we do not judge out of love.

1Jo 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

Mat 25:45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.

 

Today was a special day for me, a lifetime ago. Fortunately I'm kept so busy I can't think, can't dwell. Part of me is weak and frail, part of me is iron. I can't heal my wound, so I will help heal others. I will look into your aged eyes and give you hope, will speak of faith. I will speak of God's love, and how it is and how it will be. Your pain becomes my pain because I will help you carry. I don't know the pain your arthritic hands cause you, age has taken it's toll. But please, take my strength. I cannot be strong for myself, but I can be strong for you. I've not experienced your age, but we've got something in common. We both know the real pain is not the physical pain. I would take your pain away if I could, but I can't, I can't heal myself. But God can. This is what I know and you know and in the telling it is affirmed. I don't believe it as strong when I tell myself, but I know it is true as I say it to you. I remember the truth. I would be overwhelmed in my grief, in my loss. I can't even put it in words. But in helping you, in sharing your pain, my own heals also, for a little while. You need me to be strong, I will be strong, you will never know otherwise because you need me strong. It is only because I bleed too that I understand your bleeding. You said to me, " Pray to God that I won't kill myself, that He won't let me". How can I heal such pain? I can't - but I will pray. And He won't let you. Believe. I will. I came back and you were gone. "How can I help you?" I asked. "Visit me here", you said. I came back and you were gone. How can I find you, no one can say where you have gone? I hugged you, I held your hand. I looked you in the eye, strong and full of faith and assured you I would, that you could count on it. I came back and you were gone. Where will I visit you? Where will I find you? Flawed again, failed again. I can't find you. But God can. I can only be as strong as I have to be for you. But I can't heal myself. But God can. I can't put the broken life back together, but God can. I can't take away my own pain, but I can help you with yours. And I will. But please, please, don't trust in my strength, trust in God's. Don't make me be something I can't. Please please, I am not as strong as you see. Don't do that to me. But you need me to be, so I am. God is the iron in me. God is the only strong thing in me. Hear me when I tell you, God is strong - put your faith in God - I beg you don't put it in me. I can't help but fail you, like I've failed others so many times before, that counted on me, needed me to be strong. And I thought I was. And I wanted to be. And God you made me stronger than I ever could be. And I thought I was. And I was. It was too much God. For a moment, I felt the weight you had been carrying, and it broke my back Lord. And the iron cracked, and I had to be strong/silent/taking their pain upon my own and laughing in the wind. I had to be the rock.solid.hope.faith.unbreakable.unflappable. I bore the beatings. I would take your place, if I could.   In the end, I failed. And I tried so very hard, God, I tried so very hard, God you know I tried so very hard. "How can I help you?" I ask again. "Look at me," I cried, "How can I help you?" I will fail you. But I will not stop trying. Ever.  Because Jesus took my place on that cross.  And I want to be like my master.  And I owe Him more than my life.  And I so badly want you to know, to believe.  Because He did the same for you.  I know that.  Because He sent me here today to remind you.  Perhaps I will fail you, as I’ve failed you in the past.  But Jesus will not.  I trust Him.  I believe Him.  Because I know what He did for me.  I love Him.  And I love you.  Because you are made in His image.